Journal of a Hymen - how she rocked the boat !

You are not a virgin??? I said
.
She laughed loudly like she always does; 'don’t tell me
 you are ' she replied
.
Her laugh is always preceding her, threatening the 
old cobwebs and bizarre contradictions in the minds of girls
 and boys all over the Arab world. 

'Aren’t you scared?’ I said
'.
Why would I?' Her smile shining through her playful curiosity, 'it is MY body you know'.
'But we are Arabs' I said. 
'Aren’t you afraid that you will fall in love with a 
guy who won’t accept that?' I asked
.
'I wont fall in love with a jerk', ' I don’t want to marry a virgin guy’, I don’t want to marry a guy who wants to marry a virgin'. 'AND I don’t understand why are you still a virgin!'


I was amazed, intrigued, confused, and yet ashamed.

'How did you feel when you lost your virginity?' I asked
'I didn't LOOSE it! I got rid of it', she said, ' I felt relief, I felt liberated' 'I felt finally that I am in control over the worn out customs’. ' I felt for the first time that I am one, my mind is one, my body is one'. Many 'DO IT' without cracking the seal, you know hundreds who do, you know it doesn’t mean anything, men also know that you know. ', 'It is not a moral obligation’, 'no one has the right to have a red seal on me or you'

.

She always rocked the boat, she rocked my hymen's boat. I went to bed dreaming about this liberating feeling that I never felt. Afraid to break the seal and rock the hymen.



This is a picture from the heart of the Arab world. And she did fall in love, and she married the guy, and he is Arab and he was proud of her, of her courage , of her character, of her rebellion, and he loved her for that , he loved her for not having a hymen and still does and he loves her brain and body and depth, and the lack of hymen - who wouldn’t

?

Hymen hymen on the wall
...
without you they say
 I have no virtue at all!

'Unlove' poetry

pack up the memories
stick them in your suitcase
along with your promises
and lies...
the lying looks..
in your eyes
your hypocrisy
treason
beyond any reason
why did you appear
like a ghost
like a lie
I am to blame
Ah.. the loathing
The shame
why
did I ever
give it a try ?
a chance
for shit and romance
It is insane..
but I am to blame
I feel so small
immersed
in resentment
and shame
regret
what did I get..
nothing but
a waste of time
a handful of shit
I've been hit
yet again
no one's to blame
besides my twisted brain

والله
insane
pure madness
emotional paralysis
not even sadness
just pain
and more .. and more
and yet again

you asked if i love you
i said i do
you're dreaming …
if you believe ..
that someone like me
would ever fall for someone like you
no matter how lonely
desperate and blue
someone like me
would never ever fall for you

silence will be 
all that you
get from me

yes.. it is over, fool
we are done
you know you aren’t
the only one..
the only fool
actually it is me
who is the fool
but now i can
easily breathe
i can be ...
I can go back
to being me
now that you fucked off
now that you are
permanently gone

you killed me
so you died
why are you
so surprised?

i now vanish
i disappear..
i now dont exist
I’m not even here

the story was not impressive
only pathetic, sad, depressive..
abusive, hurtful, oppressive..

you were a cyst
now removed
left me numb
a frozen zombie
unmoved
i am not here
and you died
are you really
still surprised?

a few Haikus

dark clouds fill the sky
rain wets trees and streets
people shop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wet cat hides behind the tree
teacher teaches
music breaks the silence and fills the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
dark green pine tree through the window
top branches reach to the sky
the rest spread in all directions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mountains peak through clouds
a fly wanders on the window
fresh music of birds
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Seagull stands on the electric pole
A Grey squirrel travels on the black wire
crispy new day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time stands still as she plucks those harp strings
Her fingers become time and space
Everybody listens
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the sound of chewing
a pen dances on a paper leaving a trace of writing
music breaks the silence barrier
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher teaches
everyone listens
mount fuji on the stick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
food boils in pots
the sound and smell of the ocean fills the air
beach cat appears with her love and beauty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raoul the greatest musician of all
his hands the scratch the beat the music the world
past present future me you and all is Raoul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
silver red blue ocean
a couple of seagulls fighting in the air
laughs of women from far away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rosy cheeks bright eyes listen
roshi teaches
the couple melt in the music
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
perfect imperfection
a wise man teaches
Everything Everyone everytime shinzan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a branch outside framed by a window on grey canvas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winds violently rock tree branches
Streets covered with a palette of leaves
A great symphony of chaos
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PLUM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
drops drip off the needles of a pine tree
wet dark mother's womb
winter makes its grand entrance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
days dark nights bright
Then the world became a crow
Colorful lights dance on the black road
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Children dance like popcorn kernels
The crazy river sweeps away logs and life
Collectively Fish go home to die
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playing with colors
Rain falls down violently drowning the streets
The book speaks aloud
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
extreme ebb leaves a clean glossy beach as vast as the ocean
snakes curl lifeless on the sand
light leaks through a thousand holes in the sky dome
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
chunky stuff, spices and bubbles swim in the creamy hot soup
dizziying sax dancing drum joyful piano how groovy
jazz jazz jazz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jazzy orange sun disk sinks behind the firey cotton candy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frida laughs
Frida cries
Frida lives Frida dies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fields of colorful lights
making no difference
in a moonless cold night
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dark clouds
Cruel wind
Leaves race scratching the heart of the street
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
green red black and white
crunchy soft hot and cold
a glossy fresh fiesta in a bowl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
blues in the morning blues at night
Blues dark and loud
blues intensely bright & light
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What Forgiving Is and Isn't - A Lama Marut Video Podcast

- - حد فاضي ورايق كتب هذه ال"قصيدة" (مش انا) - القـــافية النونيـــة

القـــافية النونيـــة
أيـــــا ذا القـلب لا تحـــــزن فــــــذاك الحـب Infection
فـلـن تجــــــدي عقــــــاقير ولن تشفــــــيك Injection
فـــكم من عـاقـــــل فطـــن مضى بالحــب Direction
سـتـنـــــكره وتـنـســــــــاه ولن يبـــــقى له Mention
فـلا تنــــــــظم له شعــــراً ولا تكـتــــــب له Section
ولا يحــــــــزنك من باعك فقد أخطــــأت Selection
ولا تبـــــدي له أســـــــفـاً ولا تبــــــــــدي له action
فـــــــــــــإن الحب منـزلةٌ لبعض الناس exception
فبعض الناس إن هجـروا فلا حـــــزنٌ ولا tension
وبعض الناس إن هجروا يظل ويبـقى connection
فوصــــــل الروح إقبـــالٌ وما أحـــــــــلاه reaction
بدعـوات ومن قــلــــــب لها أثــــــــــر و affection
فـــإن لم يبـــــق لي شيء فلا حــــــــب ولا Passion
فــلا أسـف عـلى دنـيــــــا لـك وعليــك conversion

For you to be you and for me to be me

Allow me to feel my pain
Allow me to connect with it
dont dismiss me
give me room to breathe
I need to let it all out
it is poisoning my system
the years of oppression and neglect are getting to me
I need a safe place
give me your unconditional love so that I can give you mine
feel my pain so that I can feel yours
my pain is a big part of who i am
I dont want to feel embarrassed of my pain
I am allowed to feel it !
You say : move on, move on...
how can I?
I will I know - one day maybe, when I am safe
when i am heard
Marginalized - do you know how painful that is ?
feer hurts!
Exposed...
I want to be exposed to you
with all my pain and brilliance
my genuis and depression
I dont want to be embarrased becasuse of my oppression
"it is not an issue" , you say. My life is way better that many others -
But you know, it is MINE, my pain is mine- I am the one who feels it.
My pain needs love
be gentle with my pain
my darkness needs the light of understanding
solidarity

dont dismiss me
can you accept me the way i am? with my beauty and baggage?
do you see my beauty at all?
I tell the ocean about my pain - the trees hear me

God hears me
I crave the unity of the soul , a commuinity of the heart
communion with God through you and him and her
help me drop my defences
help me get rid of my identities - I want to be whole when with you
how can i if i am not whole within myself?

help me break free from the grinding wheel - acknowledge my courage - my stuggle
embrace my schezophrania
my madness is part of me
my maddness IS me

take me as a whole
Allow me to be me so that I can seize to be me
What I feel is real even if it doesnt make sense to you
Do you know how it feels to be jailed? stripped of your freedom?
do you know how it feels to be a woman? an arab? a palestinian? an artist?
do you want to know? do you care to know?
Does anyone care to know?

why would they, depressing lamentaion ...
minority colonialism feminism
oppression stuff ... boring depressing activist blabla
why would you care ? you were born up there
on the top of the hill

but if you want to be you
i need to be me
there is no you without me
and only when you stop being you
is when I become me
and only then
is when
I stop being me
only then
you can be you
and i can be me
do you see ?
what i'm trying to say ?
yes or nay?
hey?
hello
knock knock..
anyone there
or just an empty headskin

let's both seize to be you and me,
and only be
a one amazing we

words for LOVE in Arabic

Alâqa : liaison
'araq : insomnie
Balâbil : tourments
Cha'af : souffrances
Chaghaf : désir
Chajan : chagrins
Chajw : souci et tristesse
Chawq : nostalgie-désir
Da'mukhâmir : affection sans répit
Danaf : mal chronique
Futûn : désorientation sous l'effet de la séduction
Ghamarât : débordement
Gharâm : passion
Hanîn : nostalgie
Hawâ : tomber en amour
Hurqa : brûlure
Huyâm : transport d'amour
Huzn : tristesse
Ichq : amour passionné
Ikti'âb : mélancolie
Istikâna : apaisement
Jawâ : consomption
Junûn : folie
Kalaf : épreuve
Kamad : amour étouffé
Khabal : confusion mentale
Khilâba : envoûtement
Khilla : amitié profonde
Khulm : ien affectueux
Lâ'ij : affection douloureuse
Ladh' : morsure du feu
Lahaf : avidité
Law'a : amour lancinant
Lumam : transgressions minimes
Mahabba : amitié constante
Miqah : attachement prévenant
Rasiss : fièvre
Sabâba : finesse et ardeur du sentiment amoureux
Sabwa, sabâ : penchant pour les jeunes femmes
Sadam : affection suivie d'abbatement
Suhd : insomnie
Talabbud : adoration(mais on n'adore qu'Allah,swt)
Tabâla : anéantissement de langueur
Tabârîh : rigueurs
Tadlîh : stupeur et déraison
Tatayyum : sujétion par extase
Wahl : frayeurs
Wajd : véhemence d'amour
Walah : stupeur
Wasb : mal chronique
Widd : pureté et délicatesse